Writing A Resume: For Dummies

I have been here in Melbourne for 2 weeks and I'm glad to finally say that I have settled down, found a nice place to stay and made some great friends. Since uni hasn't officially started yet, there should be no more worries and nothing more for me to stress myself out about.

Except money. Because I just checked my account and I have spent a lot of money the past 2 weeks. I mean, how can one NOT spend money here? Everything is so expensive. Food, transportation, rent and groceries already wipe up about 50% of the initial start up money I have been given, a measly AUD600. Remember what I said about not being stressed? Well, not I'm stressing about living only on 300 bucks for the next 6 months. Heck, my rent alone will tear that money out of my hands faster than Scooby Doo gobbing up his Scooby snacks.

My parents have been pestering me to get a job here. So today, I finally got out of bed, took a long hot shower and sat down in front of my computer to write my cover letter and resume. Because apparently, from what I heard, even a part time job waiting tables here needs a professional cover letter and resume. Maybe they need to know how fast and well I can clear tables and whether or not I will scare off customers with my ninja jit-jitsu.

And because I believe that the Internet is a wide place, I have included my cover letter/resume below so that anyone who reads this and wants to hire me can just contact me. 
Note: I may not know exactly what is needed in a resume/cover letter so do not attempt to follow. You may however, do so for the LULZ.

Anyone considering hiring me? You know where to find me. I'm on Twitter, Facebook and basically anywhere there's an Internet connection. Or just email me lah: jwleonhart@hotmail.com

Cheerios!